I consider myself a fairly logical, rational man. If I have a question or problem, I can generally figure out where to find the answer or solution. Before the internet, this sometimes meant looking things up in books, encyclopedias, dictionaries etc. Now, this means a certain mastery of google, newsgroups, and other tools to get information and help online.
But, I can't find a tutorial on grief. There's no 'how-to' or FAQ to help me get through what I am feeling right now. How am I supposed to work when I periodically break down crying? How am I supposed to get through the day when the first thing I do when I wake up is look in Rosie's cot and wonder why she is not there? How long does it take before the pain goes away? When will I be able to look at pictures of Rosie and laugh, not cry?
When will I feel like a whole man again, not a broken one?
I know there are no answers. And I know I am not alone. Megumi and I are not the first parents to lose a child, and we will not be the last. But it just really, really hurts...
Posted by Gary at September 15, 2004 03:27 PMI know I can't provide you any answers, and of course you know that. But I just wanted to let you know that Jeani & I still stop by the site daily and are hoping for the best, are keeping you guys in our minds and our hearts.
Love & Peace,
Will & Jeani
Posted by: William Bragg at September 16, 2004 09:16 AMThis is my first time here and the postcame as great shock. You and Megumi have my every sympathy and best wishes in getting through this. You've both got a love of love in your hearts and that can't be a bad thing for coping with grief.
Posted by: Anthony at September 16, 2004 09:35 AMCould it be that you are looking in the wrong places? Rationality, and never mind logic, do not hold the answer to everything. Look for wisdom, not knowledge.
Posted by: Dirk at September 16, 2004 10:08 AMIf there was any personal advice I could impart to you, I would.
What I have heard from people who have lost loved ones is that healing takes time. Also, that it is important to spend time with other people you love and who love you to ease the pain of your loss.
You will get through this. You will get through this, slowly but surely. With time the pain will begin to dull, and slowly disappear. You have each other and that love together created Rosie and that love together will guide you beyond this time.
Posted by: gen at September 16, 2004 10:17 AMGary, there is no answer to it. Just accept everything you feel and try not to question it too much. You probably feel like a dam holding back a great river sometimes. Hold it back and it will surely burst through. It's too strong.
For some reason we feel like we have to snap back into 'normal' behaviour as quickly as possible after we lose someone dear to us, don't we. It's like everyone is expecting us to grieve for a few days sure, but they won't be patient too much longer. But that's not true.
A bit of a mixed analogy here, but grief comes in waves, it wont have you in it's grip all the time. But bit by bit it has to be worn down and worn out. Just trust that that will happen, because it surely will and the waves will get smaller and fewer until suddenly the sweeter memories won't hurt so much.
Posted by: Sheryl at September 17, 2004 06:29 AMGary,
I've been thinking about grief as my father died 22 years ago next week. Like you, I'm a logical, analytical guy which is good since I work in a science and engineering library. I looked for a tutorial after my father died and I have since learned this tutorial is the one I write as I go along and it isn't finished and it is good that it isn't finished. I promise it will get better. I will continue to keep you and Megumi in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Tod at September 18, 2004 08:45 AM