Yesterday was the 20th. One month has passed since Rosie died. It has been a month full of tears and sadness, but also a month where hope and laughter have slowly but surely returned to our lives. I have a feeling that next month, and the months in the foreseeable future, will contain some sadness, but with those buds of hope and laughter gradually becoming stronger and stronger.
I have never really explained the dread of those weeks that Rosie was in the ICU. Perhaps only people who have similar experiences can truly understand.
Every time we went to the hospital, we went with hope, but knowing that our hopes could be crushed. We wanted to speak to the doctor, to get information about how Rosie was doing, but we were also scared of hearing what he had to say. We wanted to see Rosie, but seeing her tied up in a hospital bed, with tubes attached to her, was very upsetting. At home, every time the phone rang, we jumped, dreading a call from the hospital. It was very hard on me and Megumi, and also on her parents, who were there with us most of the time. It was hard on our relatives in England and Tokushima, waiting by their phones.
But Rosie never gave up, so we knew we couldn't give up either.
I have said many times that Rosie would not want us to be sad. She didn't fight so hard for so many weeks for us to crumble apart. So, Megumi and I are doing are best to be strong for each other. Sometimes it is easier than others. The kindness of friends and family certainly helps us. At the weekend, we had two visits. One was from a friend I used to work with, bringing a gift and card from my former colleagues. That was really nice. Thanks everyone (you know who you are).
The second visit was more unexpected, and more painful. One of my former students and his wife came round on Monday. They are a lovely couple, who I stopped teaching back in 1998. We don't see each other often, and I only got the strength together to email him last week. They didn't call, just showed up at our house on Monday with flowers and cakes. They have a young daughter themselves, so it was tough for them to come, and see the pictures of Rosie, and her bed covered with toys and clothes.
It was lovely for us to see them, and it gave Megumi and I a lift. Thank you, Mr and Mrs S!
Maybe Rosie called our friends to visit us, on the one month anniversary of her passing.
I told you Rosie was looking out for you both!
Lots of Love xx
we'd like to think we know who we are...we know who we'd like to think we are.
Posted by: bard at September 22, 2004 10:45 AM